Let Go
by EOJuice
Summary: This takes place after "Smoked." Another much needed "Elliot and Olivia need closure" story. EO
1. Call Me Maybe

**A/N: In this story, we're just going to pretend that Kathy and Elliot actually went through with that divorce eons ago.**

* * *

Olivia sat on her living room couch, staring at the cell phone in her hand. Her thumb danced in circles over the touch-screen number pad as she contemplated calling Elliot. It had been three weeks since he shot Jenna Fox, and she hadn't heard from him since the psych eval. Cragen had ordered a mandatory break for the duo for a minimum of five days. Olivia came back after eight days, but not one word had been heard at the precinct from or about her partner. Could she really blame him, though? The man shot a teenage girl in their own precinct, and she died because of him. Granted, he was doing his job, but that didn't mean anything. She imagined how he probably thought about if Jenna were one of his own daughters. Olivia knew that Elliot fathering five children made his job a little harder than it would be for an SVU detective without children. The crimes and horrors the team witnesses just hit too close to home for the nurturing father. All the cases involving children-especially young girls-always left the man a little unstable. His rage never failed to get the best of him when they finally caught the perp. The images of Elliot's pulsing temples, raised neck veins, raging bull eyes and stern voice will forever remain in Olivia's memory. Not to mention the occasional smack down between the perp's face and the nearest wall, do to Elliot's almighty strength. And if it wasn't a perp's face being smashed against a wall, it was either a chair thrown at the one-way mirror in the interrogation room, or Elliot's own fist punching the metal lockers in the locker room.

Olivia sighed as the screen on her phone faded to black. Maybe she shouldn't call him yet. No, she needed to give him more time. She needed to give _herself_ more time. What do you say to your partner after he's shot a teenage girl? Do you offer condolences? Talk about what happened like you would in a therapy session? Act like nothing happened and simply go on about life like everything is peachy-keen? She couldn't call him yet. The two had been through a lot together, but this was something bigger than either of them had ever imagined. She wouldn't call him yet; she would wait.

* * *

Elliot sat on the stool, in front of the breakfast bar, staring at the black screen of his cell phone that sat on the granite countertop. He rubbed his dry eyes as his temples pulsed furiously. He was exhausted from the restless nights of little to no sleep. At the beginning of his mandatory leave, he had no problem sleeping at all. In fact, all he did was sleep. He barely had the energy to bathe or feed himself. He had only just recently shaved his five o'clock shadowed, turned rogue beard. When he had looked at himself in the mirror for the first time, he barely recognized himself. The rough face and bloodshot eyes nearly caused him to jump out of his skin. When he finally shaved the animal off of his face, he had felt like his old self again. He had even considered going back to work in a few days. The exhilarated feeling had only lasted for two days, however, as he soon drew himself back into his miserable thoughts. Long days alone were dangerous for Elliot Stabler. When he was with others, he fed off the stress of those around him and channeled it into rage. But when he was alone, his lone stress caused him to crawl into a hard, cold shell. With no wife or kids around, there was no distraction. It was just him and him alone.

Elliot was brought from his deep trance when his cellphone rang. His face slightly lit up but slowly faded when he saw the name "Maureen Stabler" displayed on his phone. It wasn't that he didn't love his daughter; he was just hoping to see a different name… He slid his hand over his tired face before answering.

"Hey, Maur."

"Hi, Dad. How are you?"

"Okay. I'm okay."

"You sure? I came by earlier today and you didn't answer."

Elliot remembered hearing the faint knock on his door. He tried so hard to ignore it and gave thanks to God when he heard his daughter's footsteps walking away.

"You did? I didn't hear. Must've been asleep."

He tried his hardest make his lie sound like the truth, but he knew he had failed when he heard Maureen sigh on the other end.

"Dad, you definitely weren't asleep. It was one in the afternoon."

Elliot threw his head back in annoyance and tried to change the tone of his voice to make the next lie sound more believable.

"Well, then I was probably in the shower."

There was a long pause before Maureen spoke again.

"Okay, Dad. Just glad you're feeling better."

He knew she didn't believe him. He was just glad she was letting it go. He wasn't in the mood to talk about whatever was bothering him. Especially not with his daughter.

He heard a shuffle on the other line and some muffled voices.

"Hey, listen, Dad. I gotta go, okay? I'll call you later?"

"Yeah, yeah. That's fine. Have fun. Bye, Baby."

"Bye, Dad. I love you."

Elliot had already begun to draw the phone away from his ear before he spoke his last words.

"Yeah. Love you, too, Maur."

He ended the call immediately and gave his second thanks to God that day. Using his energy to talk to his daughter was not on his agenda. He felt guilty for feeling that way, but there was only one person he actually wanted to talk to right now.

He stared down at the cellphone in his hands. He began to dial her number but then thought better of it. He couldn't call Olivia now. He didn't need to bother her with his problems. She was probably better off without him. She didn't need to carry his burdens. He wouldn't call her… At least not today.

* * *

Olivia now stood in front of the kitchen counter, nursing a glass of red wine. She stared at the oven clock that flashed "7:02." She hadn't stopped thinking about calling Elliot for the past hour, so she decided to leave her phone on the coffee table and pour herself a glass of the alcohol. Even with the device out of her sight, she couldn't stop thinking about hearing Elliot's voice on the other end of the line. She just needed to know that he was okay. The two had never gone so much as a week without speaking to each other. Excluding the time she went undercover in Oregon. But those were different circumstances. At least she wasn't worried about his mental wellbeing then.

She set down her glass of wine and let out a harsh sigh. She couldn't stand not knowing any longer; she was going to call Elliot. If he questioned her actions, she would simply blame it on the wine. She knew good and well that she hadn't consumed enough to even give her light buzz, but she needed an excuse.

Olivia stalked over to the coffee table to pick up her cell phone. She quickly dialed Elliot's number but hesitated to press the call button. What on earth was she going to say if he picked up? What if he doesn't pick up at all? The thought made her already anxious nerves jump through the roof. She shook it off and took in a long and heavy breath. The call had to be made sooner or later, and she preferred sooner much over later. She quickly pressed the call button and raised the phone to her ear to wait for his answer.

One ring… Two rings… Three rings… Four rings…

Halfway into the fifth ring, Olivia heard the other line pick up. She took in another deep breath and waited to hear his voice. She heard him clear his throat before he spoke.

"Hello?"

Olivia let go of the breath she was holding in as soon as she heard his voice. He answered and she almost couldn't believe it.

"El?"

"Hey, Liv."

Olivia felt her body relax as she heard her name roll off Elliot's tongue. She struggled to find the simplest of words.

"I- I just wanted to call, and ya know, check on you. I haven't heard from you since…"

"Yeah, I know. I'm okay."

Olivia could tell by the tone in his voice that he wasn't exactly okay. She had to see him. She had to see his face again. The words spilled out of her mouth before she even knew what was happening.

"Can I see you? Can I come over?"

A short beat passed by before Elliot answered.

"You can see me, but you can't come over. I gotta get out of the house, Liv. I'll come by your place, okay?"

Olivia was taken aback by his answer. She wasn't expecting him to say yes, but she wasn't expecting him to say that either.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's fine, too."

"I'll see you in 20-30."

With that, the line went dead. Olivia sat on the couch, staring into blank space, with the phone still held up to her ear. The only thing left to do now was wait.

* * *

 **Please let me know what you guys think. Constructive criticism is always welcome; hate is not. Thank you :)**


	2. Tell You Something

Olivia sat on the couch, nervously playing with her hands, awaiting Elliot's arrival. She expected to hear his knock on her door any minute now, but she still had no idea what to say to him. Yes, the two had been partners for the past twelve years, but this wasn't something that they could just easily bounce back from. She wondered why they didn't have a course on this in the academy; "How to Talk to Your Partner After They've Shot a Teenage Girl." That course name would be such a slap in the face that it would probably scare away half of the future police officers across the country. Maybe "Expect the Unexpected" would fulfill the purpose better without giving everyone cold feet. The title's vagueness wouldn't carry enough information to set off any "Get out of here, now" alarms, but it would definitely keep everyone on their toes.

A knock on the door interrupted Olivia's nervous thoughts as she then realized she had been furiously biting her nails; she only did that when her nerves were through the roof. She took in a deep breath and wiped her palms on her pants. As she rose from the couch, her nerves became even more hectic. She mentally told herself to calm down as she hastily made her way to the door. Before turning the knob, she shimmied her body as if to literally shake off her nerves and blew a quick breath that gently feathered a few strands of hair. She slowly began to open the door, and as soon as she saw Elliot's profile, she wanted to rip open the door and throw herself into his arms for one of their typical, relieved I'm-so-glad-you're-back hugs. Instead, she restrained herself and continued to the open door like it was any other drop by.

Elliot stood, leaning against the wall, with his head bowed down towards the ground. He offered a light, warm smile when he raised his head to look at Olivia, though it was more with his eyes than it was with his mouth. Olivia barely whispered a "hi" as she stepped aside to grant Elliot entrance. As he walked by, the smell of him nearly overwhelmed her. She almost forgot what it was like to be in his presence.

When Olivia turned around after closing the door, she found Elliot standing almost too close for comfort but too far away as well. She stepped aside to escape from his tower. She took in his tall physique as she eyed his stonewashed jeans and slightly wrinkled, grey t-shirt. He appeared relaxed, but Olivia could sense that the exact opposite was true. It was the game they both loved to play; put on a face like everything is fine, when in reality, everything is falling apart.

Needing to break the silent tension, Olivia directed her hands towards the couch. "Go ahead. Take a seat. I'll get you a beer." Elliot nodded and replied with an agreeing murmur. Olivia stood still as she watched Elliot make his way to the couch. His stride was practically screaming in emotional pain as he slowly made his way over; all the pride in his step vanquished.

Realizing that she was staring, Olivia snapped herself out of her trance and made her way to the refrigerator. When she grabbed the bottle of beer, she nearly jumped from the chill. She hadn't realized how hot her skin was, so the bottle felt about twice as cold as usual. She tightened her grip on the bottle and made her way over to the couch. As she sat down and handed the bottle to Elliot, their hands lightly brushed, and they both let out an awkward mixture between a laugh and a clearing of the throat. Olivia quickly retracted her hands and placed them loosely in her lap. She watched as Elliot opened his beer. Now that she was level with him, she could see the stress written across his face. She could see his pulsing temples and the stressed vein in his neck. His exhaustion was displayed in the dark circles under his eyes. She even noticed the extra little bit of stubble on his face.

She even heard his rhythmic breathing, and that's when she realized how close she was sitting. She gazed down only to see that their knees were about one or two inches away from touching each other. Although Elliot and Kathy divorced nearly four year ago, Olivia still felt weird about boundaries. Kathy had always been good to her, and Olivia even helped Kathy give birth to Eli. Olivia believed there were so many boundaries of betrayal to cross, and she always felt steps away from crossing the line. No, Elliot and Olivia never explored a relationship beyond their partnership, but it always felt like it was a little something more than "just partners." Yes, all partners should maintain a good friendship and get along, but sometimes, they were just too close. Olivia would need an extra hand to count the number of times they had put their necks on the line for each other. Not to mention to number of times they've jeopardized a case because one was too worried about the other. The only reason they haven't been pulled from SVU yet is because they're the squad's best detectives.

Almost squirming in discomfort, Olivia shifted her weight and pushed herself back a few inches to scoot over. Elliot must have felt the pressure change and sensed Olivia looking at him because he glanced towards her as he drank from the bottle. He paused and set the drink down. Questioning, he furrowed his eyebrows but raised them just as quickly.

"What?" It wasn't harsh, but it wasn't light either.

Olivia shook her head with a "Nothing."

Elliot glared at her.

"What is it, Liv?"

She shook her head again.

"Really. It's nothing, El."

Elliot gave up and shrugged it off. He went to reach for his beer again when he noticed the case file on the coffee table. He picked it up and gently waved it in his hand.

"What's this?"

"Rape case on 16th Ave., in an alley. Prostitute."

Elliot gave a knowing nod. Olivia continued.

"We think it's a string. There are just too many connections for it not to be. Wanna take a look?"

"Liv, I-"

"I could really use your help on this, El. The whole squad is stumped."

"I do-"

"Come on. I'll get you caught up so you'll be ready when you come back."

Olivia bit her tongue as she said the words "come back." She could feel the inevitable coming, but she had to keep talking. She wasn't ready to hear what she thought Elliot might have to say. She took the case file from Elliot's hands and laid it open on the coffee table as she continued to ramble.

"Aisha Lamar, found in an alley next to Hudson U, three months ago. Raina Sanchez, another alley dump, outside of the Chinese restaurant, five blocks down, last month. Nadia Mahmoud, an alley, just outside of Chelsea, two weeks from today. And the last one, Tatyana Romanov, five days ago."

She saw Elliot begin to open his mouth and spoke faster.

"All undocumented immigrants, under the age of 25. No family, no friends, no records of any kind. Easy for them to go missing without being missed. We're missing something, I just don't know what. I went undercover as a buyer the other day but couldn't get even a pinch of information about any of them."

She quickened her rate of speech again, almost frantic.

"I kinda wanna say someone outside of the ring has a vendetta against them. Almost like a hate crime. I'm just not sure. This whole case is just off the map. Everything adds up, but at the same time, absolutely _nothing_ adds up. Cragen has been down everyone's throat about this. Every time we gain a lead, we lose a lead. I just don't un-"

Elliot placed a gentle hand on Olivia's shoulder.

"Olivia."

Olivia paused before fiercely exhaling and whipping her head over her shoulder to look at Elliot. The hairs on the back of her neck rose as her eyes opened wider in fear. She responded back dryly.

"What?"

Elliot removed his hand from her shoulder as he stared Olivia directly in the eyes. A long beat passed between them before he took in a deep breath. He slowly began to shake his head "no" as his eyes conveyed the message Olivia tried her best to keep from receiving.

"I'm not comin' back."

* * *

 **Sorry if the case file info was a little wonky. I tried my best. Again, let me know what you guys think! Thanks for reading :)**


	3. Objection

**A/N: So, all of my chapter content is inspired by song titles. The lyrics have nothing to do with the content of the chapters though. But since this is the most reception I've ever received for a fic (so far), I thought I might share the songs with you guys at the beginning of each chapter! Maybe you'll find a new song that you like or rediscover one that you've forgotten about. These are the songs from chapter 1-3**

 **1\. Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen**

 **2\. Tell You Something by Alicia Keys**

 **3\. Objection by Shakira**

 **Okay. Carry on!**

* * *

Olivia sat, blinking at Elliot. Her throat went dry, and every muscle in her body went limp. If she hadn't been sitting down, she probably would have fallen over. She furrowed her eyebrows and pursed her lips as she shook head "no." She knew it was true, but she couldn't help to play the denial card.

"Elliot, that's ridiculous. You have _got_ to be joking. You're not quitting. You _can't_ quit. Stop joking around and help me with this case."

Elliot let out a heavy sigh, offering Olivia sympathetic eyes.

"Olivia, I'm serious. I'm _not_ coming back."

Olivia scoffed a laugh as she rolled her eyes.

"Come on, El. Stop playing games. I need your help."

She began to nervously sift through the case file. Elliot let out another sigh. He knew this was going to be hard; he just didn't think Olivia would play Queen of Denial.

He grabbed the case file from Olivia's hands and tossed it on the ground, next to his foot and out of her reach. He took her by the shoulders to face her towards him.

"Olivia, look at me."

Olivia's chin slightly dropped in disbelief. She closed her eyes for a brief moment before gaining the courage to lift her head to look into Elliot's eyes. After he knew she was with him, Elliot released his hold on Olivia's shoulders.

"I'm not playin' any games, Liv. This is real. I'm leaving."

Olivia continued to act in denial. She couldn't let this be real.

"Elliot, that's crazy. You don't want to leave. You're just a little shaken up, is all. You just need to give it some more time and thought. In a few days, you'll be ready to come back. Trust me."

Elliot stared her with stern eyes. He was beginning to lose his patience. This wasn't like her.

"Olivia, I already gave it enough time and thought. I already signed my papers. I just need to turn them in."

As soon as the words "signed my papers" left Elliot's mouth, Olivia lost her breath. Game over. Elliot really wasn't coming back, and there was no denying it. Olivia had to face the music. She just couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that her partner was leaving her. So, she did the one thing that all people who don't understand something do; lash out in rage.

She abruptly sat up from the couch and stepped back a few inches.

"You did _what_? Elliot, what were you thinking? You didn't even take the time to consult me."

She knew she was being irrational. Elliot didn't owe her a damn thing. He had served his time in the force with every bit of pride and dignity he had in him. Why shouldn't he leave? He deserved it. She just couldn't let him go without a fight; even if she had already lost.

"I'm your partner for God's sake. Or, I guess I _was_ your partner."

She continued her rant as she made her way to pace behind the couch.

"You should have talked to me about this first. Why didn't you? Twelve years, El. _Twelve years_. That's how long we've been- _were_ partners. And you're just going to leave me hanging high and dry? How could you be so selfish?"

Elliot turned around to face her.

"Olivia…"

Olivia held up her hand to cut him off.

"No, I'm not done yet. All these years of running around the city together, chasing after perps and putting our lives in danger, and _this_ is how you repay me? You could have least told me you were _considering_ leaving, given me some time to tell Cragen I need a new partner or something. Instead, you just decided to drop this bombshell on me? No warning, whatsoever. Just 'Oh, by the way, Liv, I signed my papers, and I'm leaving'."

Elliot had only seen Olivia this belligerent after an unfair case or trial. He understood why she was upset; he was the most stable relationship she had ever had. Sure, she got along with the rest of squad, but it wasn't the same. She didn't share the same bond with them as she did with Elliot. She wouldn't admit it, and maybe she didn't even know it, but Elliot acted as some sort of security blanket for her. She needed him for a sense of comfort, to let her live a sustainable life.

Elliot had been aware of this for quite some time. Since 2006 to be exact. The year of Gitano. The year they had both feared losing each other because of the same man. He remembered the day like it was yesterday. Then again, can you ever really forget about a man holding you at gun point? Not even a man like Elliot Stabler could shake a memory like that. He shuttered at the memory of Gitano using him like a shield, knowing that if Olivia attempted to shoot him, the bullet would have most likely hit Elliot rather than himself. If the sniper hadn't shot Gitano, who knows what would have happened? Olivia even said herself that she wouldn't have risked taking the shot. She wouldn't cause Elliot's death; not only for his children's sakes, but for her own sake. He would never forget the broken tone of her voice as she asked the fragile question: "What about me?"

Even after Elliot suggested that they shouldn't be partners and Olivia took the initiative to trade out, she came right back. He still didn't understand why she left in the first place. Maybe it was because his suggestion hurt her. Or maybe, somewhere deep down inside, she knew he was right. They spent so much time protecting each other that sometimes, they forgot to protect their victims. Yes, they both knew protecting victims and catching perps were their first priority, but sometimes, it took just one moment to avert their attention from the job to each other.

That was the thing; they always came back. They needed each other to keep going. No matter who left, he or she would always come back. But that wasn't the case this time. Elliot was officially leaving for good. He knew Olivia would take this hard. He was the one consistent person in her life who always stood by her side and now he was leaving.

When Elliot emerged from his thoughts, Olivia was still rambling as she paced behind the couch with her hands dramatically mirroring her excitement. He needed her to listen to him. He launched himself off the couch and proceeded toward Olivia. Blinded by anger, and with her quick rate of pace, she smacked straight into Elliot as he halted her by placing his hands on her shoulders. Taken aback by the sudden loss of motion and the mass of body in front of her, Olivia staggered. She tried her best to keep her balance but failed and ended up needing to grab on to Elliot's biceps for support. When she regained her footing, she felt how large they really were. The arms that held the strength to pick up a runaway suspect and slam him to the ground. She was seconds away from squeezing them, to really get a good feel, but then she remembered she was supposed to be angry and quickly let go as she took a step back.

Elliot's hands were still on her shoulders and he squeezed them to gain her full attention before he spoke.

"Olivia, calm down and listen to me. Just let me explain, okay?"

Olivia wanted to object with every bone in her body, but she couldn't muster up the words or the energy to do so. Maybe it was because she knew she was wrong for scolding him and needed to hear him out. Or maybe it was because she was still in shock from the impact of Elliot's body. Whatever the case was, it didn't matter. Either way she was going to listen. A dry gulp slid down her throat as she slowly nodded her head in compliance.

"Okay."

Elliot nodded his thanks and released his hold from her shoulders. He turned around and made his way back toward the couch and Olivia followed suit, this time noting her distance before she sat down. She sat hunched over, with her elbows resting on her parted legs hands folded, countering Elliot's straight stature. A few long moments passed before Elliot cleared his throat and finally spoke.

"Olivia… I know this is a lot to take in, and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I'm sorry for not coming to you first."

He wasn't exactly certain if he truly _was_ sorry, but what else was he supposed to say? He needed filler for his lack of words. He hadn't exactly practiced an "I'm leaving" speech. He took in a deep breath before continuing.

"Everything was just so chaotic. I was destroying myself on a daily basis. I just couldn't take it anymore. I figured that maybe if I got rid of the job, I could forget about that… that day. Just completely wipe it from my memory. I know that was a silly idea. I'll never forget that day. What I did is just… just…"

His throat dried up as he struggled to find the words to describe that day. There simply were none. The only way to describe it was to paint a picture and relive the moment, and that definitely wasn't going to happen. He decided to move on.

"Then I rethought the whole thing. I felt like a new person for a few days. I was gonna come back. I really thought I was. Then it was just like something… something snapped."

He took a long pause. Talking about this with Olivia felt so new, almost weird, awkward. He wasn't one to open up to people. It didn't help that he hadn't seen Olivia in weeks, either. He hadn't planned on giving this whole speech when he came here. He hadn't even been sure he was going to tell her that he was leaving. If he was being honest, he only brought it up because she suggested that he might come back. The original plan was to just turn in his papers and leave. No goodbyes, no long talks. Everything would have just been lost in the wind. He wouldn't need to break the news to her and watch her reaction. He wouldn't need to hear the words "I'm leaving" escape from his own mouth and feel his heart drop to his stomach as soon as he said them. He figured it would just be easier that way. This is exactly what he wanted to avoid. How do you explain to your partner of twelve years that you're leaving? He tried his best to continue.

"I had entered that horribly dark place again. I didn't even want to talk to my own kids. I _still_ don't. I can't look them in the eye. Especially not the girls. Almost every time they knock on the door, I ignore them. I don't want to face them. And when they call, I have to damn near force myself to pick up the phone. Talking to them nearly pains me. All of this has just taken such a toll on me…"

He noticed how low Oliva held her head down.

"Olivia, are you listening?"

She responded back dryly.

"Yeah."

Elliot waited a moment. When Olivia noticed he hadn't continued on, she turned her head – still hanging low – to face Elliot.

"I'm listening."

She bowed her head down again before speaking once more.

"Go on. I'm listening."

Elliot took her word for it and continued.

"I… I just think that if I leave, I'll never have the chance to do what I did again. I know I'll never forget about it, but at least this way, I won't have the chance to create another memory like that. Maybe if I leave, I can let go all of this negative energy and anger I've been carrying around for all these years. Dealing with those pieces of scum on daily basis… I just come home angry – pissed off – every night. I can't handle those merciless bastards, day in and day out, for another second. It's not a world I wanna live in anymore. I just think it's time to let the job go, Liv."

He stopped to draw in a large, deep breath.

"And you know what else I think?"

Olivia exhaled a small breath before turning her head once again to face Elliot.

"What, El?"

A beat passed before he spoke.

"I think it's time you let go, too."

* * *

 **As always, let me know what you guys think. Feel free to even give some suggestions. Thanks for the support, guys! :)**


	4. Give It Up

**Title inspiration: Give It Up by Shakira**

 **P.S.- Sorry it took a little longer than usual. Enjoy!**

* * *

The room screamed in silence as Olivia stared blankly at Elliot. Her ears were nearly ringing from the words that just escaped his mouth. " _I think it's time you let go, too._ " _What_? That didn't even make sense. She couldn't leave. She couldn't leave Cragen out of his two best detectives all at once. If she left, what would even do with herself? She had no family, all of her friends –limited friends at that- worked for or alongside the SVU, and she didn't even have a hobby to keep herself busy during a long day of no work, let alone an entire retirement time's worth. She wished she believed she had heard him wrong, but she knew she hadn't. She tried to muster up a reply, but she couldn't find any words. How on earth was she supposed to respond to such an incredulous statement?

Elliot stared back at Olivia, hoping to somehow hear what she was thinking. Her silence was deafening, and he began to wonder if she had even heard him. He allowed a few more moments to pass before he crouched over to bring his head level with Olivia's. He placed the palm of his hand on her knee and gave it a slight squeeze.

"Olivia?"

He thought he heard her let out a small, questioning "Hm," but he wasn't certain so he tried again.

"Olivia? Did you hear me?"

A small croak escaped from her throat before she answered softly.

"Yeah… I heard you."

Elliot sat still, blinking aimlessly at her.

She slowly bent her elbow to allow her forearm to come into view as she raised her pointer finger while the rest of her fingers remained in a fisted form.

"Jus- just give me a moment, okay?"

Elliot gave a small nod and positioned himself back into his upright position.

She was obviously thinking about it. That had to be a good sign, right? She could have just lashed out at him again and straight up told him no. She could have laughed in his face with that fierce, disbelieving scoff she gave when she found something ridiculous. She could have completely dismissed him and moved on to another topic as she usually did to keep up her defense, but she didn't do any of those things and he was thankful for that.

He also knew that she was most likely shocked by his statement and that's why she was silent. For such a small suggestion, it was a pretty large one, as well. Not to mention that it was the second bombshell he had dropped on her tonight. He knew she was still trying to recover from his previous announcement. He was almost just as shocked as she was. Again, told her something that he had no intention of telling her. He had never thought of her leaving until now. He had no idea _he_ even _wanted_ her to leave. Not until the words left his mouth. It wasn't impulsive, but it wasn't a measured moment either. It was almost like something or someone else had taken over his body. There was no other way to explain it.

The silence was broken by the sound of Olivia shuffling on the couch. She sat up from her bent over position and rested her on the back cushions of the couch. She lolled her over to face Elliot and remained silent. Elliot considered speaking but decided against it. Instead, he continued to stare at her, waiting for an answer. He lowered his gaze and noticed she was nervously playing with her fingers, almost as if she was concentrating on something. He had noticed the habit the first day they met, and twelve years later, she still hadn't broken it.

Olivia's heavy sigh broke Elliot from his trance. He averted his attention back to her face and locked eyes with her. Finally, she spoke.

"Elliot…"

He raised his eyebrows in anticipation.

She let out another sigh as she chewed on her bottom lip. She briefly broke eye contact to gaze into the distance but slowly directed her glance back toward Elliot.

"No."

Elliot's face fell. He wasn't expecting her to go along with his suggestion, but he was still disappointed with her answer nonetheless. He couldn't just let her go with a simple "no," though; he need an explanation.

He cocked his head to the right.

"Why not?"

Olivia raised her head from the cushion and furrowed her eyebrows.

"Really?"

He gave a nod in response to signal that yes, he wanted her to further explain.

Oliva let out an agitated sigh as she threw her head back, shaking some of the hair off her face.

"I don't know, Elliot… Well, I do know, and you know, too."

"No. Tell me."

She rolled her eyes. She hated him for always pushing her to answer his question. They may not have been strong pushes, maybe more like a tap on the shoulder, but either way, she always obliged whether she wanted to or not.

She rubbed her hands back and forth on her thighs before speaking, eyes faced forward.

"Well, Elliot… The idea is just- just ridiculous."

"Why's that?"

"Because, Elliot. It just _is_. This job is all I've known for the last twelve years. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I left. It's what I go to bed with at night and what I wake up to in the morning. My entire life circulates around it… I- I'm encompassed by it… The job just isn't part of my life, Elliot. It _is_ my life."

She turned her head to face Elliot and watch his reaction. All he offered her was a straight poker face. She shot him one of those are-you-going-to-respond facial expressions as she raised her eyebrows in question. He gave her a slight smile in response along with a small, knowing nod. Now it was his turn to lean forward and rest is elbows on his thighs.

"I get it, Liv. I really do. That's another reason I'm leaving. Even with Kathy and the kids, the job was 90% of my life. I left the house with it and came back home with it. You know that's why Kathy and I split. She couldn't take it anymore, and now, neither can I. I may not have done much during these last few weeks, but when I really thought about it, I realized that there's more to life than just the job, Liv."

Olivia scoffed.

"Yeah, maybe for you, but not for me."

Elliot sat up straight to look at Olivia and furrowed his eyebrows.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Elliot, you have the kids and the rest of what other family you've got. I don't have any of that. I don't have a child or a husband. I don't even have a parent to visit, and Lord only knows where Simon is."

Elliot chewed on his lip for a moment as he considered what to say.

"Liv, none of that matters. That's not what I mean. I'm talking beyond family. I'm talking about just being happy in general. You might think you're happy now, I did, too, but when you finally catch a break, you'll realize that maybe that's not the case. I thought it all through and you know, all those late nights and too early mornings just don't seem worth it anymore. During all this time off, I realized how nice it was not to sleep half-awake in case of emergency and that I could always be in before midnight, or 9:00 or 10:00, even 7:00. After a while, I think we got used to the day-to-day exhaustion, but now I realize how truly tired I was. Not just physically, but tired of it _all_. Everything that relates to SVU: the hours, the cases, the perps, the vics… Everything. I joined the squad to help people and to protect the streets, and now, I think my time is up."

Olivia sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

"That all sounds wonderful, Elliot, and I'm glad you found your inner peace, but the answer is still no. I can't just leave. I'm not _ready_ to leave. I don't _want_ to. Do you understand that?"

"Yeah, but-"

"But nothing. End of story. Okay, El?"

Elliot found no use in trying to persuade Olivia any longer. It was clear she had made up her mind and wanted to drop the subject. Not wanting to push her more than he already had, he gave up and simply nodded his head.

"Okay."

"Okay then. Thank you."

She let out as flustered sigh as she slouched back down on the couch and rested her hands on her stomach, clasping her fingers together.

"Now what?"

Elliot turned his head to look at the clock on the kitchen stove. It was only a little past 8:30, but he didn't have anything else to say to her. He stood up and turned his body towards Olivia.

"I think I'm just gonna head back home."

He saw Olivia's face drop a little in disappointment, but she quickly straightened it out and stood up as well.

"Okay. I'll let you out."

As she led the way to the door, she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand from the sense of Elliot following behind her. A feeling once so familiar now almost foreign. And now that he was leaving, she would never feel that protective stance behind her again. Instead, it would be a new, unfamiliar body following behind her. The thought alone made her cringe.

Silently, they reached the door and Olivia opened the door to let Elliot out. He paused for a moment as if he was thinking about something. If something was on his mind, he didn't show it. Instead, he stepped to the side and made his way in front Olivia. Still facing forward, he spoke for the first time since he had departed from the couch.

"Goodbye, Olivia.

Although he couldn't see her, Olivia waved a small goodbye.

"Bye, El."

He took a step past the threshold but then turned his head toward Olivia.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Just think about what I said, okay?"

Without giving Olivia any time to respond, he made his way down the corridor and turned the corner. When she could no longer hear his footsteps, Olivia shut the door. She squeezed the doorknob and turned to face the interior of her apartment, squashing her arm and hand between the door and her back. She rested her head on the door, and with an all new, deeper meaning, she softly whispered, "Goodbye, Elliot."

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 **Thanks for reading! Remember, reviews and suggestions are always welcome :)**


	5. Signed, Sealed, Delivered

**Sorry for the late update, but I hope you enjoy!**

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Olivia sat at her desk in the precinct, mindlessly staring at the case files splayed upon her desk. Every so often, she would focus on the task at hand, but most of her thoughts were geared toward Elliot and their discussion. Nearly a week had passed since that night and she hadn't seen or heard from him since. Not even Cragen had mentioned a word about him. She figured he had already turned in his papers without her to see. There was no way he would have waited any longer to turn them in; not after the way he preached about how he gave his decision so much thought. Especially not after the way he preached to _her_ that _she_ should turn in her papers, too.

So that was it; the last conversation they would ever have was an argument. She thought it was fitting considering the way they had fought like brother and sister for the last twelve years. They had constantly used their sharp tongues to bicker with each other during cases, but by the end of the week, they were back at it like old time buddies.

Like the Valerie Sennett case. That tension filled week could have made a rubber band snap. During this time, Elliot was going through his divorce with Kathy, and Olivia had toyed with his situation by suggesting that it was clouding his judgement on the case. Later that same day, Elliot had practically thrown in her face that she lived a tremendously long single lifestyle. When he told her that he was " _the longest relationship you've ever had with a man_ ," she spat right back to tell him that her eight years in the Special Victims Unit proved his argument irrelevant. With the constant arguing, Cragen threatened to reassign the case if the duo couldn't put their feelings aside and work out their issues. Even after Cragen's clear warning, they continued to throw fire at each other with double entendres, every chance they got. To a person with no knowledge of their situations, their spats would have gone unnoticed and passed for case information, but those who knew them easily decoded the messages within their passive-aggressive words. But by the end of the week, the bickering had stopped and they were back to normal-at least as normal as they could get.

Elliot had signed his divorce papers and Valerie had lied to Olivia's face on her death bed. They were both tired of the stressful week and ready to let everything go. Of course they couldn't just simply dust the week's hurtful words under the rug, though. No, that would be too easy, and it wasn't like them at all. Whether they were playing nice or dueling, their exchange of words always had a little spice to kick it up a notch. As the two reconciled on Elliot's porch that night, Olivia played with the uncalled-for comment he made earlier in the week.

" _Well, like you said, you're the longest relationship that I've ever had with a man. Who else would put up with me?"_

While she smirked and spoke with a playful tone, the rhetorical question was serious for her. On some level, Elliot was right. She never had a father figure, and all of her romantic relationships were extremely short lived. Elliot _was_ the longest relationship she had ever had with a man.

Though she didn't expect him to contemplate her rhetoric, she deflected her own question with another; a question for which the answer is almost never no: _"You hungry?"_ Even with Elliot's simple and innocent question of _"Who's buying?"_ Olivia had managed to squeeze in one more harmless, verbal attack.

" _Well, you are going through a divorce, and you do have four children, so I guess you are."_

For the first time that week, rather than fight back, Elliot simply smiled with her and complied with her witty comment.

Now, Olivia sat back in her chair with her fingers laced together behind her neck. Again, she thought of Elliot's remark toward her single life and how relevant it still was today. Four years later, even with him leaving, he still _is_ the longest relationship she's ever had with a man. She laughed quietly to herself as she thought of her next partner. Would he or she be able to keep up with her? Would they put up with her stubborn ways and stick around like Elliot? Or would they get tired of her antics and request a new partner? She prayed that her new partner would have a spine, a solid backbone; for both their sakes. Olivia knew she could be a hassle, but she also knew she was damn good at her job and always did what needed to be done. She and Elliot were the catch 22s of the 16th precinct, so it was easy for them to keep up with each other. It was almost as if they were programmed the same way; hard-headed and occasionally disobedient, but determined as hell and loyal to those close to them. They were always head-to-head and on the same page. With a new partner, Olivia would be rounding mile-marker six as her partner just began to pass two.

Olivia took in a deep breath as she lifted her chin toward the ceiling. She continued to fret over the disaster of receiving a new partner until she heard the sudden silence that rang throughout the squad room. When she lowered her head to investigate her quiet surroundings, she noticed all the hustle and bustle in the precinct had stopped. All eyes were either on her or across the room. She swiveled in her chair to face the direction of the stares.

Standing in the doorway was Elliot, with his badge latched onto his belt loop and his gun in its holster. As he leaned against the doorframe and stood still, the rest of the room remained paused as well. Then, he smiled with _that_ smile; the smile that exuded cockiness but brought reassurance, as well. With the upward turn of his lips, the room was its usual busy beehive again.

When Olivia returned his smile with a subtle nod, he began to make his way over to her desk. She contemplated whether she should to give him a hug. She thought she would never see him again, so to her, the thought was completely appropriate. Then again, the action would cause too much of a scene. She decided against it. When he stopped at her side, she made no attempt to stand up. Whether it was because she was afraid she _would_ hug him, or if gravity glued her to the seat, she wasn't sure. As her eyes gazed up toward Elliot's face, she caught glimpse of his gun and badge again, and her heart skipped a beat. He was here with her again. He must have thought everything over. She smiled at him and pointed her finger at his badge. He looked down and up just as quickly to furrow worrisome eyebrows at her. Her mouth formed an 'O' as she realized what that must have looked like to him. With a small smile plastered upon her lips, she nodded her head toward his badge and said, "Your badge, El. You're back."

He gave her a sorry look as he guiltily shook his head no. He reached behind him and pulled out folded papers from his pocket.

"No, Liv. I already told you, I'm not comin' back. I'm just here to turn in my papers, return my badge and gun, and get my things. Then I'm gone."

Olivia's jaw fell slightly agape as she felt her heart drop down to the floor. This was actually happening. Elliot was really leaving; leaving _her_. She believed him when he first told her about his planned departure, but his being here brought her hopes back up. Seeing the papers for the first time made it too real, and now, reality had slapped her in the face, twice. She wanted to be angry with him for showing up and misleading her. It may not have been on purpose, but that didn't matter; it still hurt like hell. She had no idea how to respond, so all she managed to muster was a near inaudible "Oh."

Elliot whispered back with a "Yeah." The silence thereafter lingered like a heavy, morning fog. What other words could possibly be spoken? Elliot searched around the room to find inspiration for a topic, and his eyes landed on the open files scattered across Olivia's desk. Just as he began to part his lips to speak, he heard someone calling his name. He didn't need to turn around to know it was Cragen; his voice held a special flare that no one else could imitate. He brought his eyes back to Olivia and smiled.

"Captain calls. Can't tell if I'll miss that or not."

Olivia made a poor attempt to chuckle along with Elliot as he walked away. How could she find humor in anything when she just received the same bad news for the second time?

She watched as Elliot made his way to Cragen's office. When he crossed the threshold, Cragen shut the door behind them. Olivia struggled to tear her eyes away from the doorway. She wished she could be in the room with them, to hear their last conversation and goodbyes. She felt as though she _belonged_ in that last conversation. She and Elliot were a team, and if it involved the Special Victims Unit, they always did it together. This was the one thing they did alone. Then again, Olivia never thought she and Elliot would leave the SVU, especially one at a time. Her career plans always included Elliot, no matter what. Now, an unfamiliar face would travel with her on her route to chasing perps and earning promotions.

She attempted to shake the thoughts from her mind and focus on the files that she still hadn't touched. She made it through half a file before she heard Cragen's door open. She listened to his and Elliot's goodbyes as she struggled not to look their way. As she kept her eyes unfocused on the files, she saw Elliot make his way to his desk out of the corner of her eye. She heard him pause across from her. She knew he was expecting her to meet his gaze, but she just couldn't do it. It may have been childish, but all she was focused on was keeping her cool.

After several seconds, she heard Elliot let out a defeated sigh. Then, she heard the shuffle of a crate and the opening and closing of his desk drawers. She heard the "snap" as he closed the stands on his picture frames, and the unplugging of the lamp on his desk. Her heart became heavier with each clang and snap. As he continued to clear off his desk, Olivia gave him a quick, discreet glance. His pants lacked the badge and gun they held earlier. His holster was gone, as well.

With her stomach tying itself in knots, she struggled keep her breathing regulated as Elliot sifted through the last of his files and stacked them neatly in his crate. Every once in a while, he dramatically cleared his throat, obviously trying to gain her attention. Each time he did so, Olivia wiggled uncomfortably in her seat as she tried her best to ignore him.

Eventually, all the opening, closing, and shuffling stopped. She felt his eyes burning into the top of her head. He was waiting for her to give him one last glance, a final goodbye. She still couldn't find the strength to do it. She knew it was rude and she knew she would regret it, but there was no way she could possibly say goodbye. Olivia had said a lot of goodbyes in her lifetime, but this goodbye was one that could never leave her mouth; not without her crumbling to pieces.

Getting nowhere by staring, Elliot let out another defeated, this time, more disappointed sigh. He then picked up his belongings and let out a short, tense "Okay." His delivery of the two syllables cut into Olivia's heart like a blade, but she knew she had hurt him just as bad, if not worse. It's amazing how simple, everyday words can carry so much value.

By the time Oliva raised her eyes from the files, Elliot had already rounded the corner. She wanted to leap up from her chair and run after him. Not to say goodbye, though; to drag him back into squad room and plead for him not to leave. She remained seated, however, as she tried not to crack in front of everyone. As she stared off into space, her vision became blurred, and she prayed it was from lack of focus and not tears threatening to spill over.

She was so transfixed in her daze that she hadn't heard Fin calling her name until he placed a hand on her shoulder. She let out a sharp gasp from the startle, leading Fin to hold up his hands in surrender. He glared at her with worried eyes before speaking.

"Whoa, whoa. It's just me, Liv. You okay?"

Olivia let out a shaky breath and vigorously nodded her head. "Yeah, yeah. I'm okay. What is it?"

Fin raised an eyebrow at her, clearly not believing her claim.

Olivia sighed. Despite her urge to dry heave, she said, "I'm fine, Fin. What do you need?"

"We got a 10-34 on Waverly. Cap says he wants you with me."

She hesitated before answering. "Okay."

Fin put his hand on her shoulder again. "You sure you're okay? I can take somebody else."

"I'm fine. Just give me a minute, okay?"

"Alright. I'll meet you downstairs in five."

Olivia whispered a "yeah" as he walked away. She struggled to collect herself as she prepared for the next case. Blinking back tears, she took in deep breaths, shaking with each intake and outtake. Her heart was beating so erratically that she wondered if those around her could hear it. Afraid she would gain unwanted attention, she abruptly stood up and charged toward the interrogation room. Without hesitation, she ripped open the door and shut it just as fast. As her heart hit the floor, she hunched over and began to weep. Though her sobs were quiet, her body shook violently as every last bit of her crumbled to pieces. With each shudder, the realization hit harder; the partner she had walked with for the past twelve years was truly never coming back.

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 **As always, reviews are welcome. Thanks for reading! :)**


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